Seek God Together

God works through both spouses in different ways

Kate asked Father Schu about being on the same path, in the same spot, at the same time, with someone you are dating / your future spouse, while on the road to holiness & Heaven. Her question and his response are below.

Hey, I know you're probably really busy and I understand if you can't get back to me until later, but I just can't get this off my mind and I really want to understand what is consuming my thoughts and emotions and worry. 

I of course believe that my parents were perfectly put together by God and that it was His will that they ended up together and created their life together. But, because of the fact that my mom is the one who takes initiative in the deeper and intimate Christ centered things our family does and in my parents relationship, and my dad does more of just the bare minimum of Sunday mass and prayer and isn't the initiator of Christ in our family life or in their relationship, does that mean that God made someone else meant for my mom to be the initiator of the relationship and the leader of the family and my mom just missed him?

I'm wondering this for the sake of my current relationship and just the overwhelming worries and questions I have for my future relationship with Christ and how it correlates with my future family and how my future spouse will lead our future family. I know this is really deep and and you probably don't expect me to be thinking this way yet, but I guess I just am and it would really help to understand. Does God have someone else who matches my intimacy and desire and initiative and action in Christ or is it possible for God's will to be for me to be the leader and initiator of our relationship and our future family and to guide and teach my future spouse what it means to have a deep relationship with Christ? Or is there really no answer and I just have to listen and hear what God wants for my life, because that's hard to get an answer too. 

I hope this made sense as to what I am asking and I know it's a lot but I figured you were a good person to ask. :) 

Kate Mouton

Hey Kate, Thank you for reaching out and sharing what’s on your heart. It takes a lot of courage to express these thoughts, and I’m grateful you trust me with them. I want to affirm that your questions are important and show a real maturity in your faith. It’s natural to wonder these things. We all know your mom is amazing and a spiritual leader in your family, which is beautiful. Every relationship is unique, and God works through both spouses in different ways. Some dads are natural spiritual leaders, while others are quieter in their faith. That doesn’t mean your dad wasn’t part of God’s perfect plan for your mom. God often brings two people together so they can complement each other, grow, and lead one another closer to Him in different ways. I know for certain they are meant for one another! 

For your future relationship, the good news is that God will guide you. What matters is that both you and your future spouse strive to seek God together, even if one person leads in certain areas.  It’s okay to feel unsure about how to get answers from God. He doesn’t always speak to us clearly or immediately, but He does give us guidance over time through prayer, Scripture, conversations like this, and even our desires. Keep bringing these thoughts to Him in prayer and ask for clarity and peace. In the meantime, trust that He is preparing you, and your future spouse, for the life and mission He has planned.

I’m here anytime you want to talk more. Thanks again for trusting me, and know you’re in my prayers! 

Proud of you,

Fr. Schumacher